Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
