I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
4 words: hood of his car
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
