LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize