i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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