I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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