You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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