It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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