is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
