pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
