Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
