Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This toilet bowl is my home.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
