There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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