I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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