i permit you to call me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
