we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
