Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize