Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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