There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
