I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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