So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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