you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He did a backflip because drugs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
