K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
