unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize