this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
