So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You kept saying ākekeā over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case youāre wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize