I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize