I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
