wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
