Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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