PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
