Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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