Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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