and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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