If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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