Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
