remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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