I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
