he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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