Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
