That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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