my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So. Much. Porn.
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