i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
