my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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