hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Farmville is her only friend.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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