i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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