i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
