we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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