i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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