Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
