So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
