omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
