its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
