Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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