you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
