**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
