didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
