You really coming over, don't trick.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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