His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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