just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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