you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
