He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
