Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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