Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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